Yamaha T-Max 500 scooter

We might as well get this over with right now, thus saving you lot the creeping onset of suspicion that I'm a cupboard scooter owner. I am, or would be if I weren't so goddamn busy buying bigger stuff more suited to my...err...'presence'. Right, we've got that out of the way.

I've yet to meet a scoot I didn't like. Actually there was a moped which I hated with a passion about 15 years ago, but let's not go into that. Scoots are fun and never let anyone tell you otherwise. Perhaps because there's something intrinsically outrageous about a vehicle which resembles a petrol-driven bar stool.

Which means I went into this whole T-Max bizzo in a positive frame of mind. A 500cc scoot? No problem - do you have something bigger? And I was completely, utterly, horribly wrong. The T-Max is scooter-like, about as much as I'm jockey-like. Same number of limbs etcetera, but the end result is like comparing your average taxi to a...aahhh...something much bigger and faster.

Dropped penny
The proverbial penny re the T-Max dropped when I told Stu the shutterbug not to worry about waiting for me, just because he was on the R1150RT test mule and I on the scoot. The Yam could hold its own. We're talking something which has a real top speed in the 160-170kmh range and feels stable.

The short story on the architecture is that this is a very interesting mix of motorcycle and scooter. Rather than the typical single-tube J-shape frame, there's a comprehensive trellis using what Yam calls diamond-shaped bracing. Read that as a lot more than usual 'meat' between the powerplant and steering head.

As for the go department, it's a parallel twin laid almost horizontally from the frame, just behind the rider's ankles, rather than off the swingarm as per traditional Vespa practice. It claims a modest, and unbelievably quiet, 40 horses moving the 197 kilo (claimed) lump.

Transmission is V-belt, or expanding pulley, which means auto clutch and stepless progression from stop to top speed. Final drive is via a two-stage chain system, apparently, with the last stage encased in the left side swingarm casings.

Braking is via two-pot calipers on single discs at both ends, operated independently via handlevers (left for rear, right for front). Matched to that lot is a monoshock rear suspension and a conventional fork up front.

Somewhere in there you get a full fairing, a bin to stuff your sangers in just under the steering head, plus a spot under the seat to store other gear. Yamaha says the latter will take a helmet. Oh, and it carries 14 litres of fuel.

Scooterasm
You have to admire the sort of enthusiasm you come across when a mildly grizzled character like Don Stafford (owner of the test bike) starts babbling on about the latest toy. I'll spare you the details, but when the man slings you the keys days before we were meant to pick up the test bike (I was only in there to buy a frigging spark plug, for heavens' sake) and blurts, "Go on, take it for a spin," you suspect something good is about to happen. Call it scooterasm.

It's a little catching, apparently. Ms M senior insisted on getting a ride and adjusted her schedule to suit the pick-up date. I thought she was going out for five minutes. Two hours later I was trying to work out how you tell the police your wife stole the test bike, when she returned with an empty fuel tank and a mile-wide grin.

At 165cm (about 5'5") she reckoned the seat was too high - she was on the balls of her feet when stopped - but didn't mind because the weight was carried so low. Work 25cm up the height scale and I reckon the screen could be higher to reduce the helmet buffeting, and had to remember to move my knees out of the way to avoid tangling them with the handlebars on U-turns. Which is an obtuse way of saying that people within those height limits are going to be happy with the ergonomics.

Something owners will work out for themselves is that the best riding position is to sit well back in the saddle (which is lower than the front edges) and put their feet forward and up on the footboards (thus lowering your knees). It feels weird at first, unless you're a regular cruiser-rider, but it works and does no harm to the handling.

One of the big challenges is to learn to trust the bike, because it will actually lean a hell of a long way without getting into trouble. The centrestand scrapes first on both sides, but the machine is heavy enough to cope, though you're a long way over by that stage.

The stock tyres have plenty of grip in the dry (we didn't get to try them in the wet) which, in combination with well-sorted suspension and adequate brakes, means you can pull the whole plot up in a very short space. Suspension travel is short - it could use more - but the quality of control is the best I've come across for this class and would put some pukka road bikes to shame.

Braking feel is nothing to write home about, and you need to get used to the idea that a lot (about 30-40 per cent?) of the potential braking comes from the rear - unlike your average sport bike, where five per cent would be closer to the mark in most road situations.

Working with a super-long wheelbase (1575mm) and biggish 14-inch wheels, stability is not an issue. It's significantly better than the marque's own Majesty in this area, which it needs to be. Nail the throttle and the Max will get to an indicated 160 (more like a real 150) very easily - progress from there is pretty casual.

The initial take-off is mild, unusually so for a V-belt. Which highlights one of the vexations for a designer. Auto clutches typically take up too quickly and spook the rider. In this case Yamaha has succeeded in tuning down the initial response, which means the zero to 20kmh times are poor, though it picks up very smartly from 20 through to the indicated imperial ton.

It is definitely not slow, and this is the first time I've felt in real danger of losing my licence on an alleged scooter.

What else? Well, there's a lot of room on the saddle for two people, though I suspect long-term running with a passenger will require a rear shock upgrade. Fuel range - and this is potentially a big factor for anyone who gets serious about one of these things - is about 230km. I got 17km/lt with mixed use on a young engine. Multiply that by the claimed 14-litre capacity. Not bad at all, and this helps to make it a realistic touring proposition.

Max is deceptive in some ways. It feels light when you're in the saddle, but try pushing it out of the garage and the full near-200 kilos comes into play - suddenly it becomes a big bike.

Where now, Max?
As I suggested early on, this is not a scooter in the traditional sense. Call it a mid-weight touring bike - now there's a thought. Name another competitor in the 500cc touring class. It's also a very handy commuter. Though not as nifty as many short-wheelbase scoots, it can nail the traffic big time and is easy enough to point and squirt in the peak-hour snarl.

Max also handles well on smoothish tarmac. Show it a sport road, with a willing rider, and I suspect it will give the big hurry-up to machinery it shouldn't.

Which brings us to price. It's $12,499 plus the usual on-road costs. Which is a hell of a lot for a scooter, and a big call given some of the mad discounting that's going on in the new bike market at the moment.

But it doesn't have to be a scooter - it just looks like one. Call it a capable mid-weight tourer with some sporting ability and the price starts to makes sense, particularly given its exceptional commuting abilities. Or is it a commuter that can tour? And that's the catch.

How the hell do you categorise it and identify a market? Buggered if I know, though it's a hoot to ride...